Monday, November 12, 2018

A letter to myself

I believe there is good in everything. I believe there is good in everyone. I believe that people no matter what deserve a second chance. I believe that they are good, and I understand that sometimes they make mistakes. I want to give them the second chance, because I don't want to be too harsh and I don't want to make them feel bad about their mistakes. I believe everyone is trying their hardest to be the best version of themselves. That's why I always give them another go. But as much as I would've wanted to believe it, sometimes in real life things don't work out like that. Sometimes people make the same mistake over and over. They don't realize that them doing the same thing hurts you. They don't realize when you believing them you put a little piece of yourself in their hands. And only they can decide whether to save or break it. They don't realize how hard it is to try to trust someone over and over, just because you want them to be good, and you believe that they are good. You trust them and give them part of yourself, but they just ignore it. They don't realize how hard it is for you. They always think that you'll be here, give them another chance, and it wouldn't matter, because you'll always understand them, no matter how hard it is.

I believe that in this life so many things are left behind the scenes. I might see someone everyday smiling and looking their best, but only God knows what they are going through. And just like that people don't see it when you give them a piece of you. They don't see that with every single "mistake" you lose a small part of yourself. And you get more vulnerable. Maybe it's because you don't show them? Maybe we're just too overwhelmed with the idea of being strong that we fear to share our vulnerabilities, our scars, our wear sides? I find myself stuck in this. I find myself constantly pushing me, and sugarcoating everything with the idea of being strong. But is hiding your scars a sign of a strength? Or is it a way to be protected? I don't know. Or I guess I do know. I'm just not ready to say it. Maybe one day I'll be "strong" enough to share my vulnerable side, and those people will be more gentle and maybe more understanding. Maybe that will end this cycle of me trying to help them, but hurting myself instead. And this is why I owe myself an apology.

Dear me,
I am so sorry that sometimes I was very busy with life, work, study that I forgot to take care of yourself. I am sorry for always putting you last. I am sorry for giving all of me to those who didn't valued it, and did't gave it to those who would actually value it - me. I am sorry for sometimes forgetting about yourself, I am sorry I've torn you apart, hurt you because I was so sure someone was good. I was sure that this time everything will change, this chance will change them. And they will finally show me the side of them that I saw. The good side. The bright side. I am sorry you've kept getting dissapointed, because I just didn't wanted to dissapoint someone else. I didn't wanted to give up on them, but I did gave up on you. I am sorry because all of the times you were lonely, all of the times I didn't had the strength to protect you. I am sorry if I've ever hurt you. I am sorry for all of this and I hope I'll learn how to take care of yourself. Because you don't deserve this anymore...


  1. I can totally relate to this so much ! Great post x

  2. I don't know what's going on but I want you to know that everything will be okay! You are an amazing person, with a very kind heart. You don't deserve any harm in this life.

    If you ever feel like you need someone to talk to, feel free to message me!
    Wishing you all the best,

    1. Thank you so so much my dear friend! I wish I could send you so many hugs for making me feel this special! Thank you! <3

  3. This is such a beautiful letter. I've been feeling similarly about putting myself last & it's not something I can sustain. I have to be my own best friend. Keep your head up! :]

    // Carmen